


You will not have the drink Kimi.

by Valuable_Valewis



Series: F1 advent 2018 from Tumblr [1]
Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Christmas Party, Drunk Fic, Drunk kimi, Drunk kimi everywhere, Gen, Kimi has a had a little too much Vodka, Poor Everyone, Poor Lew, Poor Seb, Prize gala 2018, Sass, Seb dealing with a drunk Finn, drunk Finns, poor mick, simi - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-09-13 19:07:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16898256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Valuable_Valewis/pseuds/Valuable_Valewis
Summary: Its the 2018 prize giving ceremony and Kimi is a little bit tipsy, leaving Seb to deal with one very drunk Finn.Update: this is now a series of drunk Kimi





	1. Gala part 1

**Author's Note:**

> 1) yes to drunk Kimi  
> 2) what was this?

"Sebasstttaiiiiiaannnnnn!" Kimi cried with a pout "Get riddof the caterpillar, ist scaring me!" The Finn demanded as the German was taken aback "Kimi, are you... drunk?" Sebastian asked as Kimi glared at him murderously, slamming his glass onto the table with more force than necessary "NO! DRUNK AM I NOT!" Kimi called out loudly as Sebastian hushed him "Don't tellmeh to shush, not 'till caterpillar is gone!" He shouted again "What is your obsession with caterpillars?" Seb whisper-shouted as Kimi frowned and pointed to his moustache "Bad Caterpillar, bad! at least Louise's looks good yours looks dumb!" Kimi replied bluntly as Seb was taken back, half in offense, stroking the moustache in defense "What's wrong with my moustache, and who is Louise, Lewis?" He asked "Yes, Louise is Louise, Silly Seb." He giggled "Silly Sebastian." He tapped the younger on the nose gently before rambling on about how silly Seb was before the theme fell to cucumbers "Cucumbers are Evil, they are trying to kill us Sebby" The Finn warned, interrupted by hiccups, before taking another gulp of the drink "Sure, sure. Say don't you think you have had enough to drink." Seb agreed half-heartedly. The Finn cradled the drink closer to him "No. Mine." He hissed. Sebastian noticed that Mick, who was seated next to him, was looking increasingly nervous and scared by the drunken Kimi "It's alright kid, he might be more drunk than your aunt on christmas eve but he's practically harmless." He whispered to the fellow German "WHAT WAS THAT SEBBY ?" Kimi asked loudly making Seb Wince and Mick grab Sebastian's arm in a scared manner "Geez kimi, quieten down your scaring the Kid." Seb scolded as Kimi looked away with a huff, clearly unimpressed "Meanie." He muttered as Seb sighed "I'm not mad at you Kimi, just be a bit quieter, the whole Gala doesn't want to hear you." Seb explained plainly as Kimi nodded, looking like a kicked puppy, God, why were Finn's so unpredictable in this sport. Seb glanced around the Gala, Minttu was sat at the back with Susie, partaking in talk, but there, that was his only hope. Seb spied Toto, past the patiently sat Hanna was Toto. Just at that moment, Kimi slung his arm over Seb's shoulder "So...So...Seb...Seb! Did I tell you about what I did the other day! What was the other day? A Tuesday? Whats a Tuesday? Anyway so I was in Finland, you know what Finland is right, It's where I'm from, I think? Or was It Sweden, I don't Know, Sebby, do you know?" Kimi blurted out innocently as Seb sighed, "Yes Kimi you are Finnish." Seb assured very confused "So yes, last Tuesday or was it sunday? I dunno? Minttu did this funny thing that I can't remember, but it's even more Funny than watching the Usa grand prix back, do you know how Funny that was Seb? Very." He drunkenly murmured, hands making wild gestures, his eyes fully Fixed on Seb's, snuggling into the German "O...okay." Seb replied in a confused manner "Warm. Don't move." The Finn replied. By now his only saving Grace of Toto was long gone and Neither Minttu or Hanna seemed to mind how physically affectionate the Finn was being. A man walked over "Umm... Mr Vettel, Mr Räikkönen can you please head up to the stage now." He requested.

' _Great_ ' Seb thought ' _This is gonna end well._..'

 

Seb walked onto the stage with a nervous smile, What if Kimi did something stupid, or fell off? The Finn bounced onto the stage, clapping joyfully and gesturing to Seb before leaning his full weight on the German "Sebby saved me, yayyyyyy!" He muttered before looking at the other men on stage with interest, slinging his other arm over their shoulders, neither looked best pleased to say the least. Seb had no idea whether to cry, laugh or facepalm.

Kimi got suddenly close, _too_ close, and Seb sweat-dropped hoping the Finn in his drunken state would at least be sober enough to recognise they were a) in public, b) Hanna and Minttu were there and C) It would be all kinds of wrong, especially with him being married. Instead, the Finn whispered into his ear "Kimi will Love Sebby more when naughty Mr Caterpillar is gone." Seb resisted the urge to groan "Later, later." He assured as the pair walked off the stage, Kimi tightly glued to Seb's arm.

Once they had sat down again, Kimi pulled Sebastian into a tight hug "Thank you Sebby, you're the best, even with the evil caterpillar, you will always be my favourite." Sebastian smiled slightly, sure Kimi was drunk but he was pretty sure those words came straight from the heart.


	2. Gala part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I had to continue this...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is gonna be a series now of just drunk Kimi in different situations.

The night had dwindled on, it was wayyyyyyyyy too long for Sebastian. Kimi had whined multiple times that he wanted to talk to everyone or anyone. At one point Sebastian had completely given up on trying to restrain the Finn and closely followed him as he wandered about...

...Which was easier said than done as Kimi would stop to talk to anybody, yet the next moment he would be gone. It was one large blur of Kimi giggling like a 2-year-old and taking drunken selfies. It got him some attention to say the least... Eventually, the Finn had wandered over to Lewis who was on his phone and Seb could almost swear the Brit was texting Valtteri before quickly shutting off his phone. Lewis looked up and glanced at Kimi in a very confused manner "um...hello?" Lewis asked as the Finn's grey-green eyes continued to bare into Lewis' chocolate brown ones as he leaned forward "Sebby deserves a title, stop being a meanie and hogging them all." Kimi chided "Also Lemme past next year in my Sauber, I wanna drive next to Seb not the Charlie kid, Me!" Kimi demanded, slamming his hand into the table causing Lewis to jump "Calm down man!" Lewis tried to reason "NO!" Kimi replied forcefully "Not until you Sebby his caterpillar is rubbish Louise, tell him he's a month late with Movember and how it needs to go." He demanded, leaning ever closer. ' _Is he drunk?_ ' Lewis mouthed at Seb who nodded meekly "Sure, Sure." Lewis assured, not wanting to get on Kimi's bad side "He makes a point Seb, that mustache doesn't suit you." Lewis advised as Kimi turned to Seb and huffed, crossing his arms proudly "You see Louise agrees with me." Seb pouted at the pair of them as Lewis shrugged, eyes widening in delight as his phone buzzed and he picked up immediately ' _Definitely Valtteri_ ' Sebastian concluded. Kimi ran up to Seb and hugged him tightly, whimpering slightly "Sebbbbbyyyyyy! Lewis is ignoring me for Valtteri!" He whined like a small child "It's okay Kimi, let's go over there and get some fresh air, yeah" Seb asked as Kimi nodded, already dragging Seb towards the back.

Seb had turned his back for one moment and the next he had seen Kimi trying to climb over a fence "What are you doing?" Seb asked as Kimi groaned in annoyance "Can't get over Sebby, I want to see her!" He announced, pointing at Nathalie Mcgloin. Sebastian sweatdropped "That is a knee-high fence." Seb explained, but Kimi was already jumping over the fence with someone's help as he charged over to Nathalie. By the time he got there, Kimi was swinging an arm around her, Nathalie looked up at Seb who had just joined them "What's going on?" She asked in a very confused manner as Kimi blathered on about how he made a new friend "Don't mind him, he's drunk." Sebastian explained as Nathalie made a small oh noise, choosing not to question it.

At some point during the night, after many, many distractions like Kimi's need to make peace signs at any camera, the pair had made it outside where Kimi was now drunkenly stumbling, looking as if he were going to fall any moment from now. Kimi had to stop for a moment to lean against a car "Sebby, I'm sleepy and it's too loud here." He murmured, eyes slipping shut for a moment "Come on Kimi, it's only for a little longer, then you and Minttu can head home." Sebastian reminded as Kimi looked up at him with hopeful eyes "Can Sebby carry Kimi to Minttu. Kimi is too sleepy..." He murmured ' _Oh so when he's sleepy drunk he uses third person.'_  Seb observed. "Fine, get on my back." Seb replied as Kimi shook his head "No... Kimi will bump head on the door frame, Kimi want Sebby to carry Kimi like they do in films~." He tiredly responded as Sebastian looked away embarrassed "We Can't do that, were in public." He reminded. Kimi pouted and gave the puppy dog eyes " _Pleasseeeeeee~_ " he pleaded "Fine." Sebastian replied as he picked up the drunken Finn bridal style ' _This is so embarrassing, I hope he forgets by tomorrow.'_  Seb thought "Night night Sebby, bad dreams to you Mr Caterpillar." And with that the Finn fell asleep in his arms "Please lord let no one see us like this." Sebastian muttered aloud and charged into the Gala, trying to find Minttu as quickly as possible.

To say that tonight was exciting and different would be the understatement of the century.


	3. Drunk Finns.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seb, Kimi, Lewis and Valtteri head to the local bar to celebrate Valtteri entering a rally and things get interesting...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never thought people would love this small silly project but there we go ×shrugs×

Seb pushed open the door, allowing Valtteri, Lewis and Kimi to walk into the bar. The quartet had gotten together to celebrate Valtteri's news of going into a rally in the coming month and they had decided the best course of action was to head to the local bar together to grab a drink. They had soon been seated and handed the drinks menu. "Okay who is going to take one for the team and drive home completely sober?" Lewis asked. Both Finn's kept firmly shut as the German sighed "I will, don't worry." Sebastian piped up as Lewis grinned at him before patting him on the back "Thanks, man." The Briton thanked. They had gone up to order drinks. The two Finn's got the strongest stuff on show while Lewis got some light beer. The Finn's had called him a range of things In Finnish and English including "Weak." Which made the Brit chuckle under his breath. 

Once their drinks had been served, all three  headed back to the table. "Kippis!" The two Finns announced, clashing their glasses together before necking down a considerable amount. Sebastian and Lewis' eyes widened comically at the sight. Soon the pairs drinks were gone as Lewis had barely sipped his and they ordered yet another.

This was set to continue for another 2 rounds.

* * *

 

Lewis glanced to his left where Valtteri looked a little distanced from the world before glancing diagonally to Kimi who was slowly curling up next to Sebastian like a house cat "Sebby, did I ever tell you of that time I had Russian Vodka?" Kimi asked as Sebastian internally groaned. Not again. Not after that Gala. Anything but this again. Kimi seemed to sense his distress and purred into the German's neck. Lewis seemed to piece two and two together and shifted back slightly, remembering how crazy the Finn acted with more alcohol than blood in his veins. "Vallerie, you're so short~." Kimi mused, glancing at the other Finn "Wow. Just like your conversations then." The Finn sassed. Lewis turned to the other Finn, slightly agape at what the Finn had just said. "Vallerie. That was mean. Bad." The elder scolded. "Like your performance in Ferrari?" Valtteri replied with a lop-sided grin. The table became quiet and awkward as the elder looked close to tears "Meanie!" Kimi cried loudly as Sebastian glared at the other Finn "I don't know where that sort of sass has come from, but you should stop." Sebastian advised with dark eyes "Vituttaa." The younger Finn spat back. The German's eyes widened slightly, knowing exactly what that Finnish word ment from Canada that year. "What's gotten into you?" Sebastian asked, half in fear as Kimi curled up closer as if to soothe him. The Finn raised a hand and stroked the German's cheek gently "Don't worry Sebby, If Louise and Vallerie are mean to you I will stop them." The Finn promised. Lewis, shifted in his chair uncomfortably in his chair, creating a small squeak from his chair. It all happened at once. There was a pause, before a snicker until it burst into full-blown giggles from Valtteri who couldn't seem to control himself from one silly little noise "I bet they are both drunk." Lewis told the German, "I mean they did get four of the strongest drinks there are." He finished as Sebastian nodded, action half restricted by Kimi who was slowly climbing onto his lap as time went on. Lewis gently shook Valtteri's shoulder, trying to get the Finn up from lying face first onto the table "Ummm... You alright there?" Lewis asked. Valtteri glanced up at Lewis and smiled brightly "Lew Lew, your here?" He asked happily. The Brit nearly turned a lovely shade of Pink from the Nickname. "Yes, I have been for some while Valtteri." Lewis explained. Valtteri glanced over to the two Ferrari's "Oh good, I thought you left me with those two idiots." Valtteri explained half in relief. Kimi stuck his tongue out at his younger countryman. This once again proceeded to send the younger into a giggle fit. By this point Kimi was fully on the German's lap, hugging him tightly as if claiming him for himself "Louise, Vallerie, Sebby is mine, you got that." The eldest glared as Valtteri, who was recovering from giggling, rolled his eyes "Why would I want 'bastian when I have Lew Lew?" The younger asked, curling closer to Lewis to prove a point. Kimi grinned like a Cheshire cat. "Good, Sebby is mine. Not yours, even if you are copying me by going rallying, on that note don't crash kid, its less fun than it sounds. Did you know I went rallying for two years. It was fun. Left Heikki in charge of Finland for a while though. I never saw him on December 6th in the Presidential Palace. Boo how is he gonna do any good by not turning up?" The Finn rambled randomly. By that point Valtteri had a firm grip on the Brit, who was paralysed in both fear and embarrassment. "Me nor Lew Lew care about your Finnish life stories. At least Lew Lew hasn't abandoned me in this sport, like you did Seb." Valtteri stuck out his tougue at Kimi before burying his face in the Brit's shoulder. Kimi pouted yet again "I never abandoned Sebastian. I never have and never will!" He cried loudly as the German hushed him quietly "Valtteri, can you please tone it down? you're making Kimi upset." Sebastian requested as the younger shook his head "No. He is boring me 'bastian." He murmured from his spot on the others shoulder, enjoying the warmth from the elder. "I'm not boring Vallerie, I'm the most interesting Finn you ever watched on tv as a kid. I was 22 when you were 12!" Kimi resorted with some form of sass of his own "No. Mika was more interesting than you." Valtteri shot back, slowly replicating the elder and climbing onto Lewis' lap "Lew Lew, Hello, earth to Lew Lew?" Valtteri asked shaking Lewis' shoulder "Y...yeah?" Lewis asked. The Finn pouted "You ignored me and went all silent." He crossed his arms. Lewis looked the other dead in the eyes, his silver bell, jade and sapphire mix still just as bright as normal despite being under the influence of alcohol. By now, both Finn's were slumped onto their respective friend's lap, heads on their chests. To be honest, both were kind of thanking their training as, put nicely, neither Finn were exactly the lightest on the grid. Both the Finn's had come to an agreement and didn't really sass or disrupt each other. There was little noise from either apart from Kimi's rambling and Valtteri's giggles whenever someone made a noise. Lewis' drink was long forgotten as he awkwardly placed his hand on the younger's head, gently ruffling the soft blonde locks that the Finn had obviously been growing out lately. A similar thing seemed to be happening on Sebastian's side with a very lively Kimi instead who demanded attention every two minutes. Both sober pair of eyes glanced to the door, then the Finn's and finally each other... And that look said it all.

 

'What have we done?'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some basic translations  
> Kippis- Cheers! (I only know that one because of something I watched a while ago)  
> Vituttaa- (to) piss off. Valtteri actually said this in Canada and I felt the means to add it in  
> (Sorry if any are wrong, I'm not Finnish funny enough xD)


	4. Christmas party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ferrari holds a christmas party and a drink mix up sorts out the entertainment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry christmas to you all

Sebastian looked around nervously, not sure if this was really the best idea he had ever had in his life. It was Ferrari's end of year party and Kimi had practically begged him to have some of the booze on offer, and with those eyes, who was he to resist. Kimi walked over to him relatively sober, which made the German sigh in relief. In his hand was a small glass of a pure liquid. "What's in there?" Sebastian asked as Kimi looked at it "I asked for water." Kimi mumbled, necking down the whole glass in an instant. 'Oh well, it was only water, wont hurt him.' Seb thought.

If only he knew how wrong he was.

* * *

 

Sebastian, in less than half an hour, yet again had a drunk Finn on his hands for the third time in a month. "I thought you said it was water!" Sebasrian exclaimed as Kimi flinched and looked close to crying "It was ment to be Sebby, I promise you." The Finn said between hiccups, looking incredibly sorry for himself. Sebastian tapped his foot impatiently. "If it's water, explain how you are drunk." Sebastian demanded as Kimi curled in on himself "It was water! It burned but it was water, I'm telling you, believe me Sebbbyyyyyy." He cried sadly as the German looked to the bartender who had a sheepish look on his face "Sorry, must of gotten the orders mixed up." He mouthed as Sebastian heaved out a large sigh. He moved towards the crying Finn and gently ran a finger along the others eyelashes, taking the tears away from his vision. "I'm sorry for shouting at you Kimi and for not trusting you." The German apologised as Kimi looked up at him with childlike eyes "D...do you really mean it?" Kimi asked softly. Sebastian nodded, of course I do. This seemed to brighten the Finn as his mood switched quicker than that of a teenager "So Sebby, now that you have forgiven me. Do you like my jumper, It's very Punny." He announced, pointing the mistletoad jumper he was wearing, goofy smile on his face. Sebastian nodded. "It's a very nice jumper Kimi." He praised as Kimi smiled brightly and hugged the German tightly, making him gasp for breath "Thank you Sebby." He hopped and skipped around the room, looking for more team members to talk to.

* * *

 

At some point, Kimi had gotten his hands on the Karaoke machine and was belting out very off-key christmas songs. For one of them he had jumped on Sebastian's table and sat there singing a very broken and very loud version of Mariah Ca rey's 'all I want for christmas.' In the German's face, making Seb cringe when Kimi completely messed up the high notes. The Finn got some very, very confused rounds of applause from the team, to which he thanked them and blew kisses as if he were some pop star or something as he grabbed one of their christmas hats and perched himself onto Sebastian's lap.

"What are you doing Kimi."

The Finn placed the hat completely wrong and awkwardly onto Sebastian's head.

"Sittin' on your lap and making a Sebmas tree." Kimi replied, taking a small set of lights next to him and wrapping them around the German. Kimi let out a satisfied smile at the sight before leaning forward to kiss Sebastian, turning the German red as his Ferrari.

"K...Kimi what was that for? Your Married and for all I know, you don't even love me like that?" The German whisper shouted as Kimi giggled.

"I'm kissing you under the mistletoad."

Sebastian deadpanned "Of course you would." He sighed yet again. 

"Did Sebby like the kiss under the mistletoad?" Kimi asked in anticipation. Sebastian was torn. It was wrong in all sorts of ways but he didn't want to break the poor Finn's drunken heart 

"S...sure." He stuttered and Kimi beamed even brighter before proceeding to shout the result to the whole of the party guests. Sebastian, after struggling to escape his arms from the lights, held his head in his hands. Kimi despite his drunken state seemed to sense this and quietened down "Is there something wrong Sebby?" He asked softly, prying his hands away from his face, concern on his features "'m fine Kimi, just don't do that again." He pleaded as Kimi solemnly hugged the German, making sure he backed off the rest of the team as he cradled the German, repositioning the hat on his head. "C'mon cheer up Sebby it's christmas." Kimi whined and Sebastian smiled slightly at this "your right Kimi, why am I wasting precious time?" The German chided himself, pulling him and the Finn up.

Sure, Kimi would probably forget his destruction of the punch bowl or singing duets on the karaoke machine, but spending time with Kimi in Ferrari for the last time is all he needed for that christmas.


End file.
